If you want to know my heart, read this

written by Hannah, one of my dear friends and a missionary in Gabon, Africa. this is the story of hope, of sadness, of revelation...of our hearts.

Brooke Fraser - Love is Waiting

crunch time [finals + sickness + caffeine]

It's too late for me to even try to post about everything that has happened in the last few weeks! I went to Colorado for Thanksgiving, but only my parents knew, so my sister was very surprised! She saw me sitting there, dropped her stuff, stared at me, and fell into my arms, bawling. It was a precious moment to say the least. :) I am excited to go back in 2 weeks!

oh my goodness! 2 weeks to get all of this work done...it seems impossible. And I am getting sick on top of it all. Tonight I am going to bed to get some rest before the looooong weekend ahead.

TREE!!!! shout out to my RA, Tree! Best RA ever, fyi folks. Our floor theme is Enchanted, which is one of my fave movies of the year! She is literally the cutest, most hilarious person I've ever met. With GREAT fashion sense.

And I told her months ago I was going to dedicate a post to her and all about her, my roommate Ellary! Which I will! just wait for it :D

I am definitely a country girl...

Today I got an authentic New York City experience. Authentic. And I felt so out of place. It really is a whole new world out here...one that I want to learn about and experience, but it won't be as easy as I thought it would be. So no I don't have horses or acres of land, I don't even own a pair of cowboy boots, I live in a city, but I am a western girl for sure.

Or a wanna-be African girl. A "wanna-go" to Africa girl...

1:16. My body needs sleep. So much homework to do.

I discovered the secret of motion sickness pills. They just make you go to sleep. You won't get sick if you are sleeping, duh!

it's no-shave november...

...and I found out you can really upset some guys if you tell them that you are participating. For some reason they think it's gross and don't even like that there are girls who aren't afraid to do something out of the norm every once in a while. Guess it's true that guys don't like girls with minds of their own?



This beautiful sunrise made getting up at 5:30 yesterday morning totally worth it. Let me tell you about my sleep schedule now. Actually, all I have to say is this: before college, I couldn't even drink the mildest cup of caffeinated tea after 3 pm without being affected, tossing and turning until midnight or beyond. Now, I can down a can of Coke or a cup of coffee right before bed and still be out within fifteen minutes of laying down. Literally, there hasn't been a night this semester that I did sleep quickly and soundly.

The week is almost over for me...just one paper to write...which is due tomorrow...and then I am free!!!! Except not really, because the break will be full of studying anyways. Yay.

Life is beautiful, even when it isn't. God is good, even when we can't see it.

for my sister Margie:

Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know whatever you do, they'll still be there. ~Amy Li




Is solace anywhere more comforting than in the arms of a sister. ~Alice Walker



I know some sisters who only see each other on Mother's Day and some who will never speak again. But most are like my sister and me... linked by volatile love, best friends who make other best friends ever so slightly less best. ~Patricia Volk

nothing like a cold bagel with frozen cream cheese!

to start off, I want to say something: this is not a complaint! I am surrounded by people who are complaining about our situation, but in all honesty it's not that bad, especially when you think about situations that other people live in.

The east coast--especially New England area--got bombarded with a one-night blizzard that took out power in multiple towns across Connecticut (my location when the storm hit) and additionally half of the buildings on Nyack Campus. I was at my roommate's house over the weekend and on Saturday night, probably around 5 in the evening, we lost power. It was a crazy night...there was a small fire, lots of smoke, two fire trucks came, I was sick, it was cold, there was no hot food...a night to remember for sure!

We got back to campus last night to find that tree limbs were down, power lines are hanging low to the ground, and one of the girl's dorms has no power while ours has only half power. Thankfully Ellary's and my room has power but no one has heating or hot water. I don't mind the hot water part, it just means I have an excuse to wear the same sweats until everything gets fixed!

There are still classes today, even though some teachers are cancelling anyways. I have a feeling none of my classes will be cancelled, though. And since I believe that, off I go to study...

my new theme song

I guess videos don't really work

This past week or two has been full of homework homework homework! With little highlights here and there like going to a church across the Hudson (and Panera bread--guess what Coloradans, out here they deliver!). Also watched The Lion King and Mulan with a bunch of kids from school, which was pretty much awesome! Next weekend is homecoming weekend...I didn't know colleges have homecoming weekends but whatever. I am actually going to the dance. My first dance. I am actually excited yes! Going with some girlfriends, don't worry I don't think I'll have my first slow dance ever this time around!

My hardest class this semester is microbiology...which I have many names for but in all reality maybe I'm just complaining too much. No exaggeration, it is a very difficult class, but so far I haven't passed out from stress (although I have had stomach pains from it!). I got a considerably good grade on my quiz for it today and the grade I got on my first test was better than I expected. So far God is answering my prayers and for that I am very thankful.

I am also thankful that He is challenging me. I don't know in what ways I'll grow because of these challenges but His hand is on this time.

My roommate is awesome, I think I say that a lot but it's true! Ok, so I'm the one who gives her massages and takes out the garbage and washes the dishes, but I couldn't have asked for someone more compatible, and I think God is using us to teach each other new things.

:) Ok, got a test to study for. TIC (this is college),

Olivia

why is it so hot in September??

sorry it's so big! I didn't know how to shrink it any further...well I do but I'm too lazy :P

so yes, it is like 70 degrees everyday here. I am wearing shorts and a tshirt this morning. I can't wait for the snow to come!

In the picture above is my and my roomie! We stayed up last night until 2:30 am talking about everything under the sun...I am exhausted now but it was such a blessing of a conversation. I see so clearly that God has put us together to learn from each other and help one another grow...this is such an answer to prayer and my heart is overflowing with gratitude!

On my prayer list is my microbiology class. Not only is the topic really hard, but we have a huge workload and I have a difficult time learning the concepts because most of it we are expected to learn from reading the textbook and I don't really learn well from reading. So not only am I working hard in that class (even still falling behind) but that prevents me from putting 100% into my other classes. So I am praying for time management skills, hardcore concentration ability, and a little bit of supernatural understanding from up above. :)

I want to share a verse that we learned for one of our classes:
Ephesians 4:1-3
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

thoughts

Studying to be a nurse is hard. It will get harder.

Truth: I have never really enjoyed school or studying.

I want to change: my attitude towards learning.

Truth: I would rather study cultures, people groups, geography, and ministry anytime

I will continue with nursing because: I have seen first-hand how effective medical care is in showing God's love to the world.

For me: the selfish choice would be to pursue a degree that I want to learn about simply because I think it would be awesome. Unless God directs me elsewhere, I will trust that He'll help me pass these classes, learn a lot, and become the best nurse I can be.

All for the glory of God!

My roommate almost just kicked me in the face!

since we bunked our beds, Ellary has said she wants to jump up onto the top bunk instead of climbing up. She just tried...twice, both times epic failures. It was very amusing, however.

So for dinner tonight we did take-out Chinese. For one, the cafeteria was JAM-PACKED. For second, they close super early! And thirdly...I'd take Chinese over cafeteria food anyday. Plenty of leftovers. :)

Today was our second day of classes...I am one of the fortunate ones who only had two classes in all over these last few days. My roommate, on the other hand, had all of hers, so she is stressing out over homework whereas I will probably be at that point next week. It's sorta funny, though, to see all the freshmen freaking out about homework, all the upperclassmen telling them that it will become more natural as time goes on, and they still freak out. Haha, I love having experience this already...

Tonight Ellary asked me how I am doing with my parents being gone and stuff. It's really hard, but in a different way than other freshmen might be feeling. Since I've already been away from my family for the length of a semester I think I've gone through that initial separation stuff. But it's still hard...I am ready to move on, but that doesn't make it easier.

Spiritual stuff. We had our first chapel service on Wednesday. The speaker (one of my professors) gave an absolutely amazing message. She talked about how Abraham did not just hold to God His promises, expecting Him to keep to them and that is all he got out of his relationship from God. He loved the presence of God more than the promises of God. And I was like: oh my word. I have been repeating to myself, "He is faithful. He promised this will be a good year. I am going to trust Him." Yet never once have I thought, "Enjoy God in this place." So I needed to hear that, and God served it up.

if you would like to pray for me, please pray that I would remain faithful in engaging in community with Him. I have promised my life to Him, so I need to follow through with that.
also please pray that God would bring the people into my life that I can bless in some way, but that I would also be open to being loved by others.
and also please pray that I would not despair but find joy in the morning.

:)
from my heart.

lazy day + rain

I woke up this morning half an hour before I had to go take a writing test so I scrambled to get ready, ran out the door to see that it was raining. But I was too in a rush to go back for my umbrella so I just got a little wet. Turns out after the test it went from raining to pouring so I got even wetter, but it was ok because I had to shower anyways.

So now I am in my room, all warm with my snuggly blanket, watching The Office and chilling on my last day with nothing to do. They say that the worst thing to do at college is stay in your dorm room but I recharge when I'm alone and I definitely need some alone time.

I brought three bottles of bubbles with me, which I knew was a good idea. A big blue bottle that blows lots of them, a little bottle for my purse, and one that is shaped like a popsicle and smells like chocolate. My roomie thinks I'm crazy but they make me happy!

I'm all settled in now, packing and unpacking-wise. Our room is very spacious and cozy and there aren't a ton of girls on our floor so I don't think showering will be too much of an issue.

I have met a few people already who went to Gabon, more of them to meet, so I am excited. PLUS, I am pretty sure it's set in stone, but I will be seeing some awesome Gabon people in NJ this fall, too!

All in all, it's still the first week and it usually takes me a while to settle in, but i know that God is faithful and I am not doubting that He has me here for a reason. I just want to be His vessel.

He is faithful

I haven't taken any pictures (yet)

People keep telling me they want pictures of college life, and I PROMISE you will see some. At some point. Here's the thing you need to know about me, though. It's really weird, I don't know why I'm like this or how to overcome it, but I don't really put myself out there in social situations or make instant friends very easily. So yeah, I've met some awesome people and I'm excited to live with them in community for 4 years, but it's gonna take me a few weeks to get to know them and see them as a family. So until then I am just gonna chill and let things take their natural course.

College is weird...it hasn't hit me yet that I'm really here for good. I haven't even unpacked or organized stuff, but they've had us running around campus for the past two days so we have no time to do anything personal. I'm dead tired, too, and skipping some meals to sleep. Not that the cafeteria food is something we go flocking to with anticipation.

Trying to remember that God is faithful.

a new chapter

yeah

So here's the thing.

I know myself well enough (in some respects) to know that if I start typing in this blank box anytime within the time frame of August 30 and September 6, I will probably say something I would terribly regret. So...I'm just not going to put myself in that situation.

But here's the thing.

They say there are 3 major life changes (at least, for Westerners, and not all of them at that, but most). 1. Going to college. 2. Getting married. 3. Having children.

Number 1 is right around the corner for me. Literally. Number 2 I don't dream about and therefore have no plans for it anytime in the near future, and number 3...anyways. Point being, I am about to embark on one of my life's most major changes so far (if not ever?).

Packing up my room, the one I've had for 19 years, and probably never seeing some of this stuff again. Leaving the church I grew up in. Saying goodbye to friends that have changed my life in some way, shape, or form. Leaving when it's good.

But then they say that it's better to have it end when it's good and not when it's bad.

Also, it's easy to change from bad to good, but it is hard to change from good to better.

It's hard for a pessimist with a loathing for change who does not have the gift of faith to really take anything beneficial from that last statement, but I'll try.

Did anyone see Toy Story 3? The ending part, with Andy? Do you know what I'm getting at?

Ug. There is light at the end of the tunnel, right?

Yes, I know there is. This...this is yet another chance to put my trust in Him. He is Steadfast. He is my Rock. From Him I draw my strength.

Last night I went to a Bible study and they had us write out 3 or more goals, put them in addressed envelopes, and we can be expecting to see those again in about 3 months. Yet another reminder that I have things I've told myself I want to accomplish but am failing at. I told my friend, "I don't like making goals because I never keep them..."

Tonight I am going to get ready and curl up in bed with my book...I can't remember the last time I did that.

We had rain today!

Also, two pairs of jeans for $20 and 3 pairs of shorts for $10. I love sales. I love Goodwill.

My sister and my dad left a few days ago for Sarajevo...they will be gone for one month, doing some ministry stuff with missionaries there. I am pretty excited for them to be having this experience, even though I miss them! (especially my younger/bigger sis...)



Actually, I have only one more week of loneliness/rest. Then we get our two Chinese girls for the exchange program and I am assistant teaching with that program for it's 2-week duration! So every week day from 8-5 I am running around (actually, chasing around) a bunch of Chinese high school students! I am pretty excited, I think we will see God work in big ways in these kids' lives. Then they leave and the other half of my family returns...oh, and then mid-August Shannon (my sister-intern from Gabon!) is coming to visit for a few days. I am so excited to spend time with her. With someone who misses it like I do.

So like they say in Sarajevo, ciao!

Hope

-noun
:the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best
:a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of [returning to Africa]

-verb
:to cherish a desire with anticipation
:to expect with confidence

-God
Psalm 33:18--But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose
hope is in his unfailing love...

Psalm 39:7--But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in You.

Lamentations 3:21-26--
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.



Hope is something I haven't really thought about. Or something I really understand. What do I put my hope in? Do I have hope? Do you?

I am not a prayer warrior.

But I want to be.

The only thing stopping me is laziness. Probably some other little things, but mostly laziness. Oh, and lack of faith.

I think I am just lazy with my thinking in general. Sometimes I have some really profound, awesome thoughts. But, at least for me, directing my mind to come up with such thoughts (or even just think through stuff in an orderly fashion) takes some work.

Is that what it's like for you?

Haha, just some random thoughts from ME. :)

New habits

They say it takes 30 days (give or take a few) to start a new habit. Summer has begun, and that entails chores, seeing friends, and sometimes nothing to do. In my 3 months here in Colorado I have decided to try and establish some habits into my daily routine.

Everyone has habits--I have many. Brushing my teeth, eating breakfast, checking my email...things I do every day, and if I don't do them, I notice the absence of these routines. So here are a few of the new habits I would like to introduce into my daily schedule:

-Walk before breakfast
-Bible study in the morning
-Journaling
-Tidying up my room

So if I do these four simple things everyday until the end of June then they should become habitual, right? Let's see if I can stick with it!

snapshots

Happiness, I do not know where to turn to find you on earth, in the air or the sky; yet I know you exist and are no futile dream. Rosalia de Castro


"Excuse me while I kiss the sky." - Jimi Hendrix



Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again--skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

(more on my trip to Gabon, Africa at Olivia is in Africa) Unknown

my Bible is a coloring book

So I'm not an artist, but I would classify myself as a wanna-be doodler. And today I took my doodling to a new level--adding colors to the Word of God. Now you have to understand, when I am sitting at the table (waiting for the super slow internet to load one e-mail) and there is a pack of colored pencils right beside me, naturally I want to color. But all there is in paper form within reaching distance is my most beloved Bible. (And of course it is just too hot to exert the energy to get up and find some paper). So I found some of my favorite books and passages and colorified the pages! The rest of the world has color, so why shouldn't there be rainbows inside my most precious book?

I feel like my life is full of color right now. (Yes, I did just start thinking about "Double rainbow!" but that wasn't my original inspiration for this comparison). Colors are so varietous, so amazing, so...spazzy! They are what make life exciting! And life is exciting. Sure it isn't perfect (given duh) but I am just so utterly blessed.

After reading back over my last post, I thought that I should share some wonderful news with my millions of avid readers and fans. My news is: my Father is very rich. He holds the wealth of the world in His hands. And this year He has given me so much of that wealth. Literally, I have received financial blessing after financial blessing in less than six months! First was the settle money from the insurance company from my car accident a previous year. That check happened to pay for my entire trip here to Gabon. And then, just a week ago, I got an e-mail.

The e-mail was from my grandma, short and sweet (my grandma and the e-mail!) telling me that she told one of her old, dear friends about me and my desire to work in ministry. Grandma printed off some of my Africa blog posts for this woman to read so she could see a little bit about what I am doing here. And this woman...well, she is giving me a very large financial gift to help pay for college. She doesn't want me to have to worry about paying off student loans when I am done with school so I can go to the field if the door is opened. Needless to say, I sobbed when I got this news. Because of this amazing woman's generosity, the financial burden of paying for school has been eased greatly.

And then yesterday my counselor sent me a Facebook message with even more amazing news--the school (which is Nyack College, btw) is going to give me more than half of a yearly cost in grants and scholarships. This added with the gift from that amazing woman covers my entire first year of college (which is a private Christian college, so not cheap in the least).

Wow, and I was able to write all of that with no exclamation marks! !!!!! Why is God blessing me so much? Why does He love me so much? PORQUOI God???

I don't know. Je ne sais pas. But I do know...He is amazing.

dans les mains de Dieu

So I am starting to freak out a little bit about this year and everything that it will bring. I'm already living one of the major things--being in Africa for 3 months (it's been great, learning so much, check out the Africa blog!) But I've started to really think about what it's going to be like to leave home and go to college, most likely all the way across the country. I realize how much I miss my family right now, and the thought of leaving home probably for good is heartbreaking. I won't lie, a couple of times I have thought, "I can skip college, right? And a career? I'll just live at home the rest of my life!" But life isn't that easy, and I know that there are lots of fun things waiting for me in my future. Lots of hard experiences, too. I've learned that even in the most ideal of places (like Africa) there is hardship, unrest, worry, frustration...you can't escape life no matter where you go.

Anyways, all that to say...I am confused about college stuff, scared to leave home, worried in general about the future. But I think that God is stripping away my comfort layers and helping me to establish faith in Him. It's hard, so hard, to have peace in my heart and trust Him with the future. But He's proven again and again that His plans are better than ours.

Chocolate chip cookies

So last night Dan made chocolate-chip cookies and they are temptingly sitting in the other room. I could go get one right now if I wanted to...I might...

And tonight I have been commissioned to make Greek for dinner. This...should be interesting. I am planning to keep it simple and make plenty of Ranch dressing. Because everything is good with Ranch dressing.

I never would have imagined that I would come to Africa and find lots of modern conveniences here that I don't have in America. Like, for example, a large flat-screened television (although we haven't watched anything yet), an ipod dock to make charging and listening to music very easy, and...yeah, at the moment that is all I can think of. But still, those are pretty crazy! I think something I would struggle with if I was going to be here long-term is that there is really nothing different about our lives here compared to America in terms of comforts in the home. We eat American foods, have music playing, games stacked in a cupboard, and loads of peanut butter! Aren't you supposed to go to a third-world country as a missionary and be stretched in terms of how you live?? I will tell you, we are being stretched, though. Yes, we may have a running car and a driver but we also have waited many times for our ride to pick us up or take us where we need to go. Every night the water shuts off so after 6 we can't do dishes, shower...plus, living in the middle of a different culture, you must draw support from the few people around you who understand your lifestyle and needs.

But most of all, here where things are not constant and unpredictable, there is One unchanging element to our lives--God's goodness. He is our Solid Rock and from Him we can find comfort, peace, companionship, protection, and love.

The Colorado Springs Hillbillies

I always feel so out of place at those fancy restaurants you can go to--you know, the ones where they have little towels in the bathrooms to wipe your hands. Sometimes I wish, as I get all dressed up, that I was more at ease in elegant worlds. But here is a tale to prove that the Blase family (my portion of it, at least) does not belong in a 5-star restaurant.

For my going-away family dinner, my parents took us to a high-end dining room restaurant at The Cliff House, a historic hotel in Manitou Springs.



The little restaurant was probably the size of the inside of a gas station corner store. The four-person tables were covered in pure white linens and dishes, dishes, dishes! Appetizer plates, bread plates, wine glasses, water tumblers, salad forks, entree forks, coffee spoons, dessert spoons, bread knives and cutting knives...probably enough dishes and silverware to stage a production of "Be Our Guest"! Of course my sister managed to promptly knock one of her knives onto the floor within seconds of sitting down.

I knew that the evening had started rolling in Blase-style when my sister (yes, two fellonies in a row!) pulled her retainers out of her mouth and set them in a pool of drool on her appetizer plate. Of course, leave it up to her to pull a stunt like that. What's so great about just two daughters is that you never know which one will pull a ditz-stint first. I would have been more likely to trip while maneuvering around the table to my chair or knock my water over, while Margie would (obviously) blatantly signals to all watching that we don't often visit high-end restaurants. (Oh, and she also managed to spit some ice on the carpet as well.)

After all this had passed, I remarked, "This is why we don't go to fancy restaurants very often." Little did I know that the fireworks hadn't even started yet.

Now, I'm going to tell the following event like how it happened from my perspective. Then I will follow it up with the explanation.

We had just finished our entrees (I had elk ravioli--yum!) and the waiter asked Dad if he wanted more wine. My dad says in a slightly posh, prissy way, "I am so done." This evoked a hearty laugh from our waiter and after he left my sister and I began mimicking Dad with even more prissiness: "I am SOOO done!" Dad, realizing that what he had said was a bit comical, decided to try to back himsef up. So he says, "I'll make up for it" (the prissiness, he was implying) and, as if it was just waiting to jump out of his mouth, emits a short yet very pronounced belch. At any other restaurant we wouldn't have reacted the way we did, but you must understand that in the middle of this tiny, fancy restaurant--with about six other people present to hear it--I couldn't have imagined anything more apalling. Our entire family spend a good minute shaking from silent laughter as we covered our eyes with our hands, not daring to meet the eyes of anyone around us.

Our waiter, poor fella, had to come refill water for a family laughing hysterically over something (thank the Lord he wasn't there when it happened!). We tried so hard to contain ourselves, but it was next to impossible. Turns out, the sound dad let out wasn't really a burp. He had been trying to make a manly little roar thing but ended up choking and it was just a high-pitched...yeah. So poor Dad's face is beet red (matches well with his red beard and hair) while he chokes and laughs himself to recovery.

It can safely be said that if Margie isn't spitting ice or throwing utensils and Dad isn't belching, I am most likely feeling very out of place in a fancy, fancy restaurant. I love the occasional visits to such establishments, but our family just isn't high-end. And I'm so glad.

Ink cartridge and salt grinder

Two items ^ I have to take with me for the workers in Gabon. Maybe I'll pack along a few other little surprises? If I have enough room and my bag doesn't weigh too much! I weighed it today with some of the stuff in it and it weight 40 pounds--uh oh! Ten away from my limit!

A few days ago it was verging on 70 degrees. Today it is in the 20 range and snowing. Tomorrow it is supposed to be even colder...only in Colorado! I hope it stays cold before I go! I want my fix of winter.

I love not having school but it sure does make me even more lazy. I need to start working! Studying French! Finding scholarships! Packing! So much to do...I don't want to ;)

Tim Tebow

The title is purely experimental. I want to see if I get any search engine hits with tags about Tim Tebow (Denver football quaterback). It seems like everyone in Colorado has been caught up in Tebow fever...tonight my family (minus my sis) and I went with some friends to hear his mom speak at a pro-life conference. She was urged when she was pregnant with Tim to abort him because her life was in great danger as long as she was carrying him. I guess no one expected her or even him to live through the delivery but they both did and now Timmy is playing football and evangelizing America! Yahoooo for life!

May I just say how much I respect and admire and am in total awe of young women who find out they are pregnant, decide to go through with delivery (which personally scares me more than anything!), and give their child a better life than they can offer through adoption. I just...wow. I am in awe.

Helpful hint: getting up early beats laziness in the butt! It encourages productive behavior and puts a sunny smile on one's face! at least for me it does!

Hey Olivia, can you believe you are going to Africa in 3 weeks?? Well Olivia, no I can't! It's crazy insane! Righteous man!

My life in photos

Summit Ministries 2010


Fun, successful prank with an awesome friend...


Celtic Thunder and other fun times with Katie


A perfect apple, I swear, it was beautiful and crunchy and juicy and extremely delicious!

People say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one

At the moment I am putting off an odd aroma of a well-worn sweater, un-showered body + hair, and coffee. I just spent the morning with a friend that has become very dear to me this past semester. She has only been here since like, July I think and is going back to North Carolina tomorrow to get ready for her wedding in June! I was thinking in the car after hugging her goodbye that it's hard saying goodbye to people, but I think it is hardest when they are going away and you are staying put. Because then things are normal except they aren't there.

I guess that is how it will be for my family and friends when I leave in...one month and a day. Wow, I can't believe it is so close. People ask me if I am excited, and I say "yes!!". Then they ask if I am scared and I say, "I think if I wasn't scared something wouldn't be right." Of course I am scared. But what is even scarier is that I bet I am going to see God working through me while I am a scared little American graduate weakling in the middle of a foreign country with people who know what they are doing...and I don't. I just need to learn to be accepting of my ignorance and weaknesses. And I need to learn how to trust that my Lord will use me despite my imperfections.

What are you reading right now? Trying to shove in a few books before you go back to school? Or maybe you are a lucky one with no more school and perhaps you have lost the pleasure in reading! I am reading tons of books...feasting on them. One is City of Tranquil Light, a novel about a missionary couple in China. Highly recommend it! I am also going through What Every Girl Wants, a devotional centered around Song of Solomon. Quite interesting, and although perhaps a little more...upfront than you might expect for a devotional book, I personally believe that Christian women should read books like this one just because the author writes so freely on topics that are so hush-hush in churches.

As to my TOP pick book for the YEAR, Come Away My Beloved is a book I would recommend to any Jesus freak. In fact, I would probably be willing to bet each and every one of you money that you will cherish the book forever.

I am ready now to blast some music and start packing away my treasures. I hate to do it but if I don't my family will when I leave. And I don't want them reading through my diaries this time like they did over the summer while I was gone. ;)

January 1, 2011 !!

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

I dunno, I like the classic poets and we have snow right now (yaaay!) so I thought it the most appropriate quote. I was thinking about getting on to post last night at midnight but I knew I might say something stupid so I decided not to! Plus I was way too tired!

Every year on New Year's Eve we get together with some of our oldest, best family friends and go bowling then to our house for pizza. We all stay up until midnight to watch the ball drop in NYC on the television. Usually in years past all of us kids have had lots of energy. But last night we were all so tired we just lounged around. We are getting so old!!

To tell the truth, I think 2011 is going to be one of the most eventful yet scary years of my life! Going to Africa, packing up everything in my room (tears), going to college...I mean all that will need to happen to make it the craziest year ever is for me to get married! And if my mom had superpowers she would snag Tim Tebow for me so he could pay for my college!

I saw Tangled yesterday with a friend. It was SO cute! Not just cute but just...good all around. As everyone has been saying. One of the best, if not the best, animated film I have seen ALL YEAR! (2010 year, mind you).



As to New Year resolutions, I don't really make any. I can't remember ever doing so in the past...and if I did it just goes to so how quickly I forget them. But what I do pray for is that this year I can accept change with more grace and peace while retaining the joy of the Lord.