The world at large

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't got anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

ends lead to beginnings

I think about the song "the circle of life" as I think about the recurring theme of hellos and goodbyes, moving in and moving out and moving on...and returning. And leaving again. People come and go, some remain constant, others "disappear". Sometimes I am thankful that loss of friendships and severed relationships don't really burden my heart anymore, but other times it worries me that I have become insensitive.

It's funny that there is truth to the idea that the night brings not just physical but emotional darkness as well. This past semester, night time has been when the tears flowed, when the heart was heavy, and when the urge to give up and go home was strongest. But with the morning came hope, and thankfully the Lord always gave enough to last throughout the day.

I love being wrong. I love learning lessons. Being imperfect has never been so normal and good. I love being stripped of my mask so that I can see myself clearly. And I love that I have made friends here that see me clearly as well.

Laughing is therapeutic. So is crying. And as much as it hurts, missing my family is more comforting than forgetting what life with them is like. I'm not sad to leave Nyack at the end of this year, but I know I will be ready to return. I am truly grasping what it means to have no clue what God is going to do with my life. Sweet.

Don't give up hope on anything! Just hope. Just live. Just love.

life lessons

If there is one thing that can sever even the closest friendship, it is by not forgiving someone. Not forgiving leads to seeing the worst in someone, which leads to bitterness, and by the time the heart mends and you realize that it is time to forgive...you may find that you can't remember what the friendship was like before.

Or perhaps you do remember, and if so, I have yet to learn that part of the lesson.

When you center your day around yourself, you may find that the attention you show yourself isn't as sustaining as the love you receive from others...

...and also, if you are pursing a friendship/relationship because of how it will make you feel, don't pursue it. 

You can choose to be happy. BUT, it's ok if you aren't always happy. Just don't dump that unhappiness on anyone else.