Wednesday, December 5, 2012

a funny moment


I was sitting one quiet Wednesday night at the table in our library’s front lobby.  From where I sat, I faced the aisles of books that led to the silent study area.  As I looked up from my paper, a strange thing happened.  A boy that I see around campus walked by me towards the bookshelves.  He is one of those people that I have never talked to but know about because we have mutual friends…you know, that type of situation.  Walking down the aisle directly in front of me was a girl that I knew he has feelings for (word travels fast in a small school).  The way that it worked, though, was that just as he entered the aisle right next to her she came out of the aisle in front of me.  They missed each other by mere seconds…it was an ironic thing to take place, and even more so since I witnessed it and knew that if time had allowed for him to walk by a little later, or for her to walk just a little faster down the aisle, they would have seen each other.  That would have made him happy!  

Saturday, November 24, 2012

pre-finals week checklist (2 weeks)

Swazi People Group (80+ slide) Presentation
Evangelism Outside the Box book review
Church comparison paper
Community Health Center visit paper
Anatomy Lecture Exam
Anatomy Lab Exam
Multicultural America Paper
Nyack Heritage Paper
Nyack Heritage Final
Missionary Nurse Bio

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Epic


The moment we are presented in the arms of Christ, we are accepted in Him. Dr. Currie,
a brilliant writer connected with the Methodist Episcopal Church, has left a beautiful
incident in his own life. He was the editor of one of the best journals of his
church, and in many ways he was closely connected with its work. He dreamed
one night, a little before his recent death, that he died and went up to the gate of
heaven. There he met an angel and asked to be allowed to enter. The angel asked
him who he was. He answered: "I am Dr. Currie, the editor of the Quarterly
Review of the Methodist Episcopal Church." The angel answered: "I don't know
you, I never heard of you before." Soon he met another angel and told 'him the
same story, and received the same answer: "I don't know you." At last one of the
angels said: "Let us go to the Judge and see if He will know you." He went before
the throne and told the Judge about his life and the 'work he had done for the
church, but received the answer from the Judge: "I don't know you at all." His
heart was beginning to gather the blackness of despair, when suddenly there was
One at his side with a crown of thorns upon His head, who said: "Father, I know
him. I will answer for him." And instantly all the harps of heaven began to sing:
"Worthy is the Lamb that was slain," and he was ushered into all the glory of the
celestial world. Not all the preaching we have done, or all the service we have
rendered will amount to anything there. We must be identified with the Man who
wore the thorns; we must be accepted in the Beloved, and then the Father will
love us even as He loves His Son. We shall stand with Him even as Christ does.
-The Fourfold Gospel (A.B. Simpson)

Sunday, November 11, 2012

I love nicknames!

My mom hates nicknames, but growing up I always wanted one.  Here at school I am given all sorts of nicknames.  The list is below (in order from most used to least used):

-Livy
-Olive
-Liv
-Loo
-O-lovely
-Blaze

Friday, November 9, 2012

One week

One week until I go back to Colorado for Thanksgiving break.  This is my favorite time of year.  The feeling of getting off the plane and walking through the terminal, knowing that in less than five minutes you will be hugging the people you love most in the world...it's the best feeling I've ever had.  And because Thanksgiving break is the first break of the semester, it's the best time!  Then I come back to school for about two and a half weeks until I go back home.

Highlights of the week:
-Getting to use one lamp (thank you Lord for generators...our power has not been restored yet in my dorm)
-Finishing all three of my tests (although next week may not be so highlighted when I get the grades)
-Getting to skype with my mom, who is in India right now!!
-Seeing friends as we all came back from our week away during the hurricane!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

we survived Sandy!



This picture has been circulating around these last few days...it's the subway system in Manhattan.  The city got hit pretty bad by Hurricane Sandy, which thankfully has blasted over and left us...


I spent the night of the hurricane with these two girls, we ended up duct taping their windows because we were scared the wind would shatter them!  We got up the next day to several huge trees blown over and some power lines down.  Honestly, though, the damage could have been worse around our campus, seeing as only one building had trees fall on top of it. 

The real problems for Nyack College started after the hurricane when we all woke up in darkness with no electricity (obviously).  The entire area (like within miles and miles) was without power, and will be for days to weeks.  It was a surreal experience to be living with hundreds of other people, though, all without water, lights, and then seeing the school try their best to provide food for us.  Thankfully our cafeteria has a generator so at night time students could sign up for slots to charge their phones or computers.  Some people gave up on all attempts to keep up with homework, while others (like yours truly) woke up each day trying to make the best of our limited sunlight hours.  

Yesterday a few friends and I got in a car and attempted to find a Panera Bread or Starbucks with power that we could do some homework at.  The next town over had a shopping mall but we and everyone else had the same idea.  It took us an hour to find a parking spot and a table before we could finally get some work done.  I've never been shopping on Black Friday but my friends said that this adventure was almost the equivalent.  

I hate saying that it was a stressful week for me because I know it was a stressful week for everyone, and some people weren't so lucky to have hot water or food or even warm clothing and blankets.  But the week definitely took a toll on my spiritual and emotional state.  Not the hurricane itself, which was kind of exciting, but the days afterwards of a lot of confusion about classes and homework and tests.  Thankfully last night my  good friend Steph asked me to go home with her to Connecticut and on the ride back she allowed me to vent and cry.  Now I am enjoying power and peace in her lovely home...so thankful for a few days of peace and a chance to get a hold on my work load...my goal is to get as much done so I can enjoy Thanksgiving with my family!  


Saturday, October 27, 2012

I want to be the type of person that everyone is friends with, not the person that everyone wishes they could be friends with.

Friday, October 26, 2012

What would I have thought of Moses?

One year ago I made a fairly "harmless" judgement towards someone.  It was based on something silly, but each interaction I had with the person afterwards created a snowball affect leading me towards continually thinking judgmental, disrespectful thoughts about them almost all the time.  Just in the past few months has God been convicting me of my sinfulness in this area as He has obviously been using this person very mightily for His Kingdom!  I have gone through a year-long journey of seeing a person I initially looked upon with negative emotions transform into a leader seeking the Lord.

I sometimes wonder, what would I have thought of Moses?  I would have thought, "Man up!  Open the mouth God gave you and stop letting your brother speak for you!" (if this confuses you, study the story of Moses' return to Egypt for clarification).  What would I have thought of David?  "How dare you ruin the life of the young Bathsheba!!" (yet not knowing that Solomon would be a product of their union)  Do you even know what I would have said to Hosea?  "Forget your cheating wife, she isn't worth the effort."  (not realizing his pursuit of his wife is a mirror image of God's pursuit of us).  How badly I might have judged any of God's chosen leaders.  I pray for open eyes!  And an open heart to His use of the weak and transformation of the impossible into the possible!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Atheism, Feminism, and the Bible

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.


Today I was thinking about all the things that hold me back from my freedom in the Lord.  I want to fly in my relationship with Him.  I don't want to be burdened by money or possessions or worries about tomorrow.  To live a life where I woke up everyday knowing that God will provide, knowing that even if He doesn't provide material things, I have Him, and that is enough...what a wonderful joy that would be.   


“Pain is a pesky part of being human, I've learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can't be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.” ― C. JoyBell C. 

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I will not be a Taylor Swift

One of the things that annoys me most about Taylor Swift's music is that the only songs that must be good enough for the radio stations to play over and over and over again are her songs about a boy who likes a girl other than herself and why he should like her instead.

Lord, I never want to be like that.

Completely unrelated to the above thoughts, one of my life questions is this: How often do we "choose" a mate or spouse or even just dating partner based on ethnicity or cultural back round?  The concept of similar attraction says that according to sociological study, most likely people will be attracted to and likely end up with those who are similar to them.  In white, Christian, middle-class Colorado Springs this whole aspect of relationships (not even just romantic ones, even friendships) doesn't really cross one's mind because there is no variety.  But living on the most diverse [Christian] college campus in the country, this question really interests me!  I can probably count on my two hands how many couples I know of who are not of the same ethnicity.

What is it about being more similar to someone than not that is such a huge driving factor in our relationships?  Do we simply not like to have friends who are different from us?  Is it too uncomfortable, too hard?  Would I have just as much fun hanging out with someone who wasn't white than someone who is?  Would I ever be able to relate in any way to someone who grew up in the Bronx?  What different methods would we have to use to get to know someone of a different back round from ourselves?

Or am I just thinking about it too much?

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Thy will be done...

The other day I said to my friend, "I am never getting married!!!!!!!!!" and she said back to me, "Don't speak that over yourself or it will become true!"

Tonight I was pondering her statement...wondering if I agree or not.  At first, I would say, "No, God will determine whether or not something happens in my life no matter what my attitude is about it."  So I can say, "I am never getting married" but maybe God says, "Oh yes you are."

But then again, if I live my life everyday with the mindset, "I am never going to eat fruit," I can probably get away without ever eating fruit.  No one can force a banana down my throat.  Yes, God technically could force me to eat fruit, but would He?

And if I make a decision and decide to live my life based on it, will He change my mind?

I know He has done so in the past.  People tell stories and testimonies all the time of how God changed them.

But what about free will?  What limits has been placed on our ability to make our own decisions?  Are we limited to absolute free will only to a certain extent?  Then when it comes to bigger things that actually matter, God holds the reigns?  Or will He have His way no matter what our attitude?  Or does He let us live in our own will, living and learning from our decisions?

OR, do we need to choose to live according to His will to actually live according to His will?

It's just that I see so many people who never come to know the Lord, no matter how much we pray, love on them, and show them what it can mean to truly walk with God.  Is it God's will that they never accept Him, or is it theirs?  If it is their will not to accept Him, is He allowing them to live in their will as opposed to His own?  Unless it is His will that they don't accept Him.....???  Too scared to ponder that thought.

Is this even about wills at all?

What was my original question???

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I know why the caged bird sings...

Today it struck me how sad it is when you go to pet stores and see birds cooped up in a cage, those absolutely beautiful wings held back as they waddle around on their little legs.  Birds were made to fly. 


I wish I was a bird.

Classes start tomorrow.  It's the start of a new school year, and already I can tell it might be very different.  Or very similar to last year.  I want it to be different though.  In many, many ways...

Give me Jesus, give me Jesus...you can have all this world, but give me Jesus...

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I love how people in Barnes and Nobles talk quietly like it is a library and not a bookstore...

I leave tomorrow for my sophmore year of college.  Mixed emotions, as always.

.......

Some summer pics...it was a great 4 months.  I told my sister that it isn't the aspect of going back to NY that is hard for me, it's just that leaving Colorado isn't very easy on my heart...

So my sister and I are...special

I love leaves...

...and may be a bit of a tree hugger

The story of our lives

Fields of gold

teaching myself guitar, been on my bucket list for years (as you know)

I am a mountain chick, what can I say?


my friend George drew this of me!!



Monday, August 27, 2012

Are you dying of a chronic disease or something?!

My dad posed the title question a few days ago after I played a new song I am learning on the guitar for him.  It seems that in the past few months I have had an uncharacteristic hunger to do and learn things that I have never dabbled in before.  I guess that's what moving away from home can do to you???  Getting out of your comfort zone/bubble can really expose you to the wonderful world out there...and how you can experience more of it!!

I guess it started a few weeks ago when I told Dad I wanted to go backpacking.  We've done it in summers past, but maybe he just thought it was a phase because he observed after the trip that climbing mountains isn't something I've ever really been excited about before...(even though I live in Colorado).

Then, a few weeks later I got astonishingly excited about something entirely new for me: ultimate frisbee.  Now you need to understand something to appreciate this--up until this point, I hated frisbee.  The things scare me, I can't catch it, and I can't throw it.  But in the name of sociability and community, I dragged myself to a game that some friends put together and dear world, I had a blast.  Needless to say I am still terrible at frisbee, and more than one person probably laughed at my antics, but I loved it so much that I myself organized a second ultimate game. It was awesome.  Now I'm trying to figure out how to get away with playing a few games at school on the field before the soccer people yell at us to get off their turf...

And the feat I am still tackling but have made some headway in is something that has been on my bucket list for a year or two.  When I was younger, my mom tried to teach me piano, which she succeeded in, but what she didn't succeed in was igniting a passion in my young soul for staying committed to studying music.  For years after I gave up piano, I convinced myself that I am in no way musically talented and any instrument I try to play will end up sounding more like Sherlock Holme's pitiful violin than anything worth listening to.  But this summer, with a few months of anticipated boredom, I decided to pick up my dad's guitar and teach myself to play.  I've had friends who tried and quit...my sister has taught herself some chords but never stuck with it.  Despite all of these odds stacked against me, I dutifully played for about twenty minutes everyday for about a month.  And now, my friends, this girl right here can play 3 songs and most of the chords (AND I know notes, which I take extra pride in because everyone who plays guitar says that they don't know the notes).  Booyah.  And the songs are awesome ones, too...not like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or anything, but some jamming radio tunes.

Oh, AND I painted a beautiful picture of Africa with watercolors.  It's beautiful.

So, in conclusion, I am learning that you are never too old to start learning and loving something new (and yes, I consider 20 to be old enough to start using that phrase).  Just hoping that my creative and curious juices keep flowing even when I am confined to the dreadfully quiet study room in the library for the next nine months of my life...

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I am a seeker

You know, sometimes I think about, "Why do people blog?" and then more specifically, "Why do I blog?" Sure, I truly believe there is truth to the idea that people who blog are just trying to make themselves known...by the world, their friends, families--anyone who cares.  But for others, I know that blogging is an outlet for them, a way for them to tell those 'people who care', "This is what I am passionate about!!" 

Sometimes, I blog because I want the people I am no longer able to have conversations with to know what's going on in my life.  Other times, I just put out thoughts or things I like for anyone who cares to care about (or not).  And sometimes, I pray that what I say may be an encouragement to the people who reads my words.  Know you aren't alone, people love each other, you can learn through hard circumstances...

Here's my thought today: the ONE THING in the world I don't feel greedy or selfish wanting more of is God.  I tell God, "I want to understand Your Word.  I want to have a deeper relationship with You.  I want You to use me.  I want to experience Your  Kingdom on earth.  I want to be filled with Your Spirit." 

And I cannot believe that it's wrong for me [us] to want any of those things.  Ever. 

Friday, July 6, 2012

Summer Update

From the beginning of May until the middle of June I returned to Gabon to spend some time with my dear friends there!  It was an amazing trip...you can read about it on my Africa blog

I stopped in Paris for a ten day layover in between Gabon and America...I have dreamed of visiting Paris for years, so when my dream came true I was more than thrilled!


Next stop was Chicago, where I was reunited with my family...we then drove on to Michigan to spend a few days with my grandparents...

...it's always fun at Grandma's :)

I haven't danced in a while...I miss it!

then we drove to St Louis area and stayed for a few days with my grandpa on his farm...saw a Cardinals vs. Rockies game, ate almost every meal with all the farmers at their little restaurant...didn't actually drive a tractor, but sitting in it was pretty fun!

Now I am back in Colorado Springs for two months with my family.  We spent the 4th of July with some very good childhood friends, and it was a festive day despite the past few weeks of terrible forest fires that have been raging all over my state.  The Waldo Canyon Fire claimed over 300 homes in my own city.  We are safe, and I am thankful that God has been glorified in so many ways through this tragedy.  

Friday, May 25, 2012

in my Father's house...


Yesterday I read Luke 2 and a passage that I have read over and over again my entire life stuck out to me in a new way this time.

41 Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. 42 When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom. 43 After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. 44 Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. 45 When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. 46 After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”
49 “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.
51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

When I first read the highlighted verse, I thought to myself, "Jesus, you should have known that your parents would be worried!  Why did you just 'sneak off' like that??"  Then I realized that Jesus was having his moment of "rebellious independence"!  Even good little homeschooled Christian girls like me have that time in their life where one needs to make a move to branch out from their childhood routine, often times at expense of their worried parents.  

The temple was Jesus's "Father's house".  It was the first place where He seemed to take ownership of His ministry and the plans for His life.  And I wondered to myself, "What is my 'Father's house'?"  It doesn't necessarily have to be a place of moving out of my parents' home...it can be that place (or moment, or circumstance, or choice) where one moves on from what is holding them back in their ministry/purpose/dreams.  

Monday, April 30, 2012

The world at large

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't got anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

Friday, April 27, 2012

ends lead to beginnings

I think about the song "the circle of life" as I think about the recurring theme of hellos and goodbyes, moving in and moving out and moving on...and returning. And leaving again. People come and go, some remain constant, others "disappear". Sometimes I am thankful that loss of friendships and severed relationships don't really burden my heart anymore, but other times it worries me that I have become insensitive.

It's funny that there is truth to the idea that the night brings not just physical but emotional darkness as well. This past semester, night time has been when the tears flowed, when the heart was heavy, and when the urge to give up and go home was strongest. But with the morning came hope, and thankfully the Lord always gave enough to last throughout the day.

I love being wrong. I love learning lessons. Being imperfect has never been so normal and good. I love being stripped of my mask so that I can see myself clearly. And I love that I have made friends here that see me clearly as well.

Laughing is therapeutic. So is crying. And as much as it hurts, missing my family is more comforting than forgetting what life with them is like. I'm not sad to leave Nyack at the end of this year, but I know I will be ready to return. I am truly grasping what it means to have no clue what God is going to do with my life. Sweet.

Don't give up hope on anything! Just hope. Just live. Just love.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

life lessons

If there is one thing that can sever even the closest friendship, it is by not forgiving someone. Not forgiving leads to seeing the worst in someone, which leads to bitterness, and by the time the heart mends and you realize that it is time to forgive...you may find that you can't remember what the friendship was like before.

Or perhaps you do remember, and if so, I have yet to learn that part of the lesson.

When you center your day around yourself, you may find that the attention you show yourself isn't as sustaining as the love you receive from others...

...and also, if you are pursing a friendship/relationship because of how it will make you feel, don't pursue it. 

You can choose to be happy. BUT, it's ok if you aren't always happy. Just don't dump that unhappiness on anyone else.

Friday, March 30, 2012

to my friend Amy



Dear Readers,

I want to tell you about this girl I know named Amy. I met her several years ago on an online forum...not long after joining, we became pen pals, which was the beginning of a cherished friendship. I have been very blessed to spend time with her in person for about two weeks time, but even though most of our interactions take place over skype and text, this girl knows me better than any of my other friends.

Amy, thank you for being so supportive even when I don't return the sentiments. Your friendship means so much to me, truly. I wish I could give you a "believe pill", a medicine that makes you believe everything I say to you when it is true. So here is the pill, take it and believe me!

happy 21st birthday dear friend. :)

love,
Olivia

Friday, February 3, 2012

don't rain on my parade!

"Maybe I push when I'm meant to be still, maybe I take it all too personal..." (newsboys)...the lyrics just played, and they resonated with my soul. Which reminds me to share this song (below) with you! It's my new favorite!



This week I have been through an interesting situation that taught me a lot of things. It taught me:
a) do not jump to conclusions, especially when you have just one person's word
b) the Bible is totally applicable to life. when you have a conflict, go to the source of the conflict
c) sometimes you walk out of situations feeling stupid and immature (and you know that other people see you that way) but you just need to admit to yourself that you messed up and move on

life goes on...

just be.

another weekend...that week passed SO FAST. so much to do--ah!!

I went grocery shopping yesterday and got GRAPES!! and yogurt! and milk! and juice. real juice. it has been worth every penny.

My friend dared me to give up coffee for 3 days. On...day two I drank a large mocha. BUT! I deactivated my facebook account. a worse addiction methinks.

Friday, January 27, 2012

unspoken



do you have something that you want to say, but you know you never will?

I refuse to believe that you don't.

I'm going to be honest, there is a lot I want to say that no one will ever hear. Sometimes I don't even turn my computer on when I come in the room because, let's be real, it's pretty easy to fall into the trap of "status updates" that blast the 'world' with the inner workings of our brains.

for the sake of self control, or perhaps respect, or even for the sake of fear, I know that I will never write or speak some of the things on my heart (or mind...or whatever it is that makes me want to smash a mirror on the ground).

this post is for all those unspoken words. hopefully they were offered to the Lord and replaced with words that reflect Him.

[about the author:
not perfect
gets angry
knows there is a bigger picture]

Thursday, January 26, 2012

I Have Learned



I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them;

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back;

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something;

I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry.

I’ve learned that maturity had more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.

(anonymous author)

Thursday, January 19, 2012

hello NY!

"back at the yack" was the most common facebook status this past week as we all moved back into the dorms...so now here we are, second day of classes over and it's the weekend! halleluiah because I am sick and I just need to sleep.

This semester I am taking nutrition, anatomy and physiology, new testament, global literature, and human growth and development. Sixteen credits in all, more than last semester but I think that since I am used to the process now it'll be a little easier to stay on top of things.

other than already being sick of cafeteria food and knowing I should be doing homework right now...not much to report. for now!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

2012 :)

When I think about the fact that it is the year 2012, I sorta understand what adults mean when they say that time starts to fly by as you get older. I think about how twelve years ago I was a little girl anticipating a double digits birthday, staring in toy store windows at dolls that I wanted for Christmas, and just discovering that boys could be oh so annoying but oh so fun to play with...

Twelve years later...my jaw wants to drop, I want to scream, and I just can't believe all that happens in a little over a decade. Or that I am less than six years away from being done with a formal education...never thought that day would come. Adulthood becomes scary at about this moment. Yet also exciting!

I have less than a week of break left before I head back to Nyack for my second semester. Honestly, contemplating last semester I can't say I am excited to go back, but I am trusting that there are new things in store these next few months so I am eager for change and new things!

To recap last semester, it was hard. It was stressful. It wasn't what I expected from my first semester at a Christian college. But it was eye opening. And I believe than challenges are opportunities to strengthen faith and grow. So I am thankful.

Other than going to school at Nyack this spring semester, I don't know what 2012 holds. I don't think I'll be coming back to Colorado for spring break, so I could be going four to six months without seeing my family...a big challenge! Summer plans are still under prayer.

My prayer for this year: