I think about the song "the circle of life" as I think about the recurring theme of hellos and goodbyes, moving in and moving out and moving on...and returning. And leaving again. People come and go, some remain constant, others "disappear". Sometimes I am thankful that loss of friendships and severed relationships don't really burden my heart anymore, but other times it worries me that I have become insensitive.
It's funny that there is truth to the idea that the night brings not just physical but emotional darkness as well. This past semester, night time has been when the tears flowed, when the heart was heavy, and when the urge to give up and go home was strongest. But with the morning came hope, and thankfully the Lord always gave enough to last throughout the day.
I love being wrong. I love learning lessons. Being imperfect has never been so normal and good. I love being stripped of my mask so that I can see myself clearly. And I love that I have made friends here that see me clearly as well.
Laughing is therapeutic. So is crying. And as much as it hurts, missing my family is more comforting than forgetting what life with them is like.
I'm not sad to leave Nyack at the end of this year, but I know I will be ready to return. I am truly grasping what it means to have no clue what God is going to do with my life. Sweet.
Don't give up hope on anything! Just hope. Just live. Just love.
I love you, Livvy.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you've been doing a lot of painful soul-growing. But maybe that's all part of missionary prep, because God knows the challenges you will face on the field, and the pain you'll have to learn to relate to. He's making something beautiful out of you, Olivia.
Sending you a hug from Arizona.
WHy are you leaving Nyack? Did you finish? I love you an miss you Liv! *hugs*
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