The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.

Today I was thinking about all the things that hold me back from my freedom in the Lord.  I want to fly in my relationship with Him.  I don't want to be burdened by money or possessions or worries about tomorrow.  To live a life where I woke up everyday knowing that God will provide, knowing that even if He doesn't provide material things, I have Him, and that is enough...what a wonderful joy that would be.   

“Pain is a pesky part of being human, I've learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can't be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.” ― C. JoyBell C. 

I will not be a Taylor Swift

One of the things that annoys me most about Taylor Swift's music is that the only songs that must be good enough for the radio stations to play over and over and over again are her songs about a boy who likes a girl other than herself and why he should like her instead.

Lord, I never want to be like that.

Completely unrelated to the above thoughts, one of my life questions is this: How often do we "choose" a mate or spouse or even just dating partner based on ethnicity or cultural back round?  The concept of similar attraction says that according to sociological study, most likely people will be attracted to and likely end up with those who are similar to them.  In white, Christian, middle-class Colorado Springs this whole aspect of relationships (not even just romantic ones, even friendships) doesn't really cross one's mind because there is no variety.  But living on the most diverse [Christian] college campus in the country, this question really interests me!  I can probably count on my two hands how many couples I know of who are not of the same ethnicity.

What is it about being more similar to someone than not that is such a huge driving factor in our relationships?  Do we simply not like to have friends who are different from us?  Is it too uncomfortable, too hard?  Would I have just as much fun hanging out with someone who wasn't white than someone who is?  Would I ever be able to relate in any way to someone who grew up in the Bronx?  What different methods would we have to use to get to know someone of a different back round from ourselves?

Or am I just thinking about it too much?

Thy will be done...

The other day I said to my friend, "I am never getting married!!!!!!!!!" and she said back to me, "Don't speak that over yourself or it will become true!"

Tonight I was pondering her statement...wondering if I agree or not.  At first, I would say, "No, God will determine whether or not something happens in my life no matter what my attitude is about it."  So I can say, "I am never getting married" but maybe God says, "Oh yes you are."

But then again, if I live my life everyday with the mindset, "I am never going to eat fruit," I can probably get away without ever eating fruit.  No one can force a banana down my throat.  Yes, God technically could force me to eat fruit, but would He?

And if I make a decision and decide to live my life based on it, will He change my mind?

I know He has done so in the past.  People tell stories and testimonies all the time of how God changed them.

But what about free will?  What limits has been placed on our ability to make our own decisions?  Are we limited to absolute free will only to a certain extent?  Then when it comes to bigger things that actually matter, God holds the reigns?  Or will He have His way no matter what our attitude?  Or does He let us live in our own will, living and learning from our decisions?

OR, do we need to choose to live according to His will to actually live according to His will?

It's just that I see so many people who never come to know the Lord, no matter how much we pray, love on them, and show them what it can mean to truly walk with God.  Is it God's will that they never accept Him, or is it theirs?  If it is their will not to accept Him, is He allowing them to live in their will as opposed to His own?  Unless it is His will that they don't accept Him.....???  Too scared to ponder that thought.

Is this even about wills at all?

What was my original question???

I know why the caged bird sings...

Today it struck me how sad it is when you go to pet stores and see birds cooped up in a cage, those absolutely beautiful wings held back as they waddle around on their little legs.  Birds were made to fly. 

I wish I was a bird.

Classes start tomorrow.  It's the start of a new school year, and already I can tell it might be very different.  Or very similar to last year.  I want it to be different though.  In many, many ways...

Give me Jesus, give me Jesus...you can have all this world, but give me Jesus...

I love how people in Barnes and Nobles talk quietly like it is a library and not a bookstore...

I leave tomorrow for my sophmore year of college.  Mixed emotions, as always.

.......

Some summer pics...it was a great 4 months.  I told my sister that it isn't the aspect of going back to NY that is hard for me, it's just that leaving Colorado isn't very easy on my heart...

So my sister and I are...special

I love leaves...

...and may be a bit of a tree hugger

The story of our lives

Fields of gold

teaching myself guitar, been on my bucket list for years (as you know)

I am a mountain chick, what can I say?

my friend George drew this of me!!

Are you dying of a chronic disease or something?!

My dad posed the title question a few days ago after I played a new song I am learning on the guitar for him.  It seems that in the past few months I have had an uncharacteristic hunger to do and learn things that I have never dabbled in before.  I guess that's what moving away from home can do to you???  Getting out of your comfort zone/bubble can really expose you to the wonderful world out there...and how you can experience more of it!!

I guess it started a few weeks ago when I told Dad I wanted to go backpacking.  We've done it in summers past, but maybe he just thought it was a phase because he observed after the trip that climbing mountains isn't something I've ever really been excited about before...(even though I live in Colorado).

Then, a few weeks later I got astonishingly excited about something entirely new for me: ultimate frisbee.  Now you need to understand something to appreciate this--up until this point, I hated frisbee.  The things scare me, I can't catch it, and I can't throw it.  But in the name of sociability and community, I dragged myself to a game that some friends put together and dear world, I had a blast.  Needless to say I am still terrible at frisbee, and more than one person probably laughed at my antics, but I loved it so much that I myself organized a second ultimate game. It was awesome.  Now I'm trying to figure out how to get away with playing a few games at school on the field before the soccer people yell at us to get off their turf...

And the feat I am still tackling but have made some headway in is something that has been on my bucket list for a year or two.  When I was younger, my mom tried to teach me piano, which she succeeded in, but what she didn't succeed in was igniting a passion in my young soul for staying committed to studying music.  For years after I gave up piano, I convinced myself that I am in no way musically talented and any instrument I try to play will end up sounding more like Sherlock Holme's pitiful violin than anything worth listening to.  But this summer, with a few months of anticipated boredom, I decided to pick up my dad's guitar and teach myself to play.  I've had friends who tried and quit...my sister has taught herself some chords but never stuck with it.  Despite all of these odds stacked against me, I dutifully played for about twenty minutes everyday for about a month.  And now, my friends, this girl right here can play 3 songs and most of the chords (AND I know notes, which I take extra pride in because everyone who plays guitar says that they don't know the notes).  Booyah.  And the songs are awesome ones, too...not like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or anything, but some jamming radio tunes.

Oh, AND I painted a beautiful picture of Africa with watercolors.  It's beautiful.

So, in conclusion, I am learning that you are never too old to start learning and loving something new (and yes, I consider 20 to be old enough to start using that phrase).  Just hoping that my creative and curious juices keep flowing even when I am confined to the dreadfully quiet study room in the library for the next nine months of my life...

I am a seeker

You know, sometimes I think about, "Why do people blog?" and then more specifically, "Why do I blog?" Sure, I truly believe there is truth to the idea that people who blog are just trying to make themselves known...by the world, their friends, families--anyone who cares.  But for others, I know that blogging is an outlet for them, a way for them to tell those 'people who care', "This is what I am passionate about!!" 

Sometimes, I blog because I want the people I am no longer able to have conversations with to know what's going on in my life.  Other times, I just put out thoughts or things I like for anyone who cares to care about (or not).  And sometimes, I pray that what I say may be an encouragement to the people who reads my words.  Know you aren't alone, people love each other, you can learn through hard circumstances...

Here's my thought today: the ONE THING in the world I don't feel greedy or selfish wanting more of is God.  I tell God, "I want to understand Your Word.  I want to have a deeper relationship with You.  I want You to use me.  I want to experience Your  Kingdom on earth.  I want to be filled with Your Spirit." 

And I cannot believe that it's wrong for me [us] to want any of those things.  Ever.