I am definitely a country girl...

Today I got an authentic New York City experience. Authentic. And I felt so out of place. It really is a whole new world out here...one that I want to learn about and experience, but it won't be as easy as I thought it would be. So no I don't have horses or acres of land, I don't even own a pair of cowboy boots, I live in a city, but I am a western girl for sure.

Or a wanna-be African girl. A "wanna-go" to Africa girl...

1:16. My body needs sleep. So much homework to do.

I discovered the secret of motion sickness pills. They just make you go to sleep. You won't get sick if you are sleeping, duh!

snapshots

Happiness, I do not know where to turn to find you on earth, in the air or the sky; yet I know you exist and are no futile dream. Rosalia de Castro


"Excuse me while I kiss the sky." - Jimi Hendrix



Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again--skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

(more on my trip to Gabon, Africa at Olivia is in Africa) Unknown

dans les mains de Dieu

So I am starting to freak out a little bit about this year and everything that it will bring. I'm already living one of the major things--being in Africa for 3 months (it's been great, learning so much, check out the Africa blog!) But I've started to really think about what it's going to be like to leave home and go to college, most likely all the way across the country. I realize how much I miss my family right now, and the thought of leaving home probably for good is heartbreaking. I won't lie, a couple of times I have thought, "I can skip college, right? And a career? I'll just live at home the rest of my life!" But life isn't that easy, and I know that there are lots of fun things waiting for me in my future. Lots of hard experiences, too. I've learned that even in the most ideal of places (like Africa) there is hardship, unrest, worry, frustration...you can't escape life no matter where you go.

Anyways, all that to say...I am confused about college stuff, scared to leave home, worried in general about the future. But I think that God is stripping away my comfort layers and helping me to establish faith in Him. It's hard, so hard, to have peace in my heart and trust Him with the future. But He's proven again and again that His plans are better than ours.

Chocolate chip cookies

So last night Dan made chocolate-chip cookies and they are temptingly sitting in the other room. I could go get one right now if I wanted to...I might...

And tonight I have been commissioned to make Greek for dinner. This...should be interesting. I am planning to keep it simple and make plenty of Ranch dressing. Because everything is good with Ranch dressing.

I never would have imagined that I would come to Africa and find lots of modern conveniences here that I don't have in America. Like, for example, a large flat-screened television (although we haven't watched anything yet), an ipod dock to make charging and listening to music very easy, and...yeah, at the moment that is all I can think of. But still, those are pretty crazy! I think something I would struggle with if I was going to be here long-term is that there is really nothing different about our lives here compared to America in terms of comforts in the home. We eat American foods, have music playing, games stacked in a cupboard, and loads of peanut butter! Aren't you supposed to go to a third-world country as a missionary and be stretched in terms of how you live?? I will tell you, we are being stretched, though. Yes, we may have a running car and a driver but we also have waited many times for our ride to pick us up or take us where we need to go. Every night the water shuts off so after 6 we can't do dishes, shower...plus, living in the middle of a different culture, you must draw support from the few people around you who understand your lifestyle and needs.

But most of all, here where things are not constant and unpredictable, there is One unchanging element to our lives--God's goodness. He is our Solid Rock and from Him we can find comfort, peace, companionship, protection, and love.

People say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one

At the moment I am putting off an odd aroma of a well-worn sweater, un-showered body + hair, and coffee. I just spent the morning with a friend that has become very dear to me this past semester. She has only been here since like, July I think and is going back to North Carolina tomorrow to get ready for her wedding in June! I was thinking in the car after hugging her goodbye that it's hard saying goodbye to people, but I think it is hardest when they are going away and you are staying put. Because then things are normal except they aren't there.

I guess that is how it will be for my family and friends when I leave in...one month and a day. Wow, I can't believe it is so close. People ask me if I am excited, and I say "yes!!". Then they ask if I am scared and I say, "I think if I wasn't scared something wouldn't be right." Of course I am scared. But what is even scarier is that I bet I am going to see God working through me while I am a scared little American graduate weakling in the middle of a foreign country with people who know what they are doing...and I don't. I just need to learn to be accepting of my ignorance and weaknesses. And I need to learn how to trust that my Lord will use me despite my imperfections.

What are you reading right now? Trying to shove in a few books before you go back to school? Or maybe you are a lucky one with no more school and perhaps you have lost the pleasure in reading! I am reading tons of books...feasting on them. One is City of Tranquil Light, a novel about a missionary couple in China. Highly recommend it! I am also going through What Every Girl Wants, a devotional centered around Song of Solomon. Quite interesting, and although perhaps a little more...upfront than you might expect for a devotional book, I personally believe that Christian women should read books like this one just because the author writes so freely on topics that are so hush-hush in churches.

As to my TOP pick book for the YEAR, Come Away My Beloved is a book I would recommend to any Jesus freak. In fact, I would probably be willing to bet each and every one of you money that you will cherish the book forever.

I am ready now to blast some music and start packing away my treasures. I hate to do it but if I don't my family will when I leave. And I don't want them reading through my diaries this time like they did over the summer while I was gone. ;)

Even when you feel like crap...

...you're never fully dressed without a smile! That is kinda my motto. I don't really live by it, but I try.


On Sunday afternoon I began to get that feeling that a cold was coming on. And sure enough my nose is stuffy and dry and red from so much blowing. At least I don't have a fever! And today I was putting on my coat and I pulled/twisted my neck so now I can hardly turn my head. Uuugh I feel awful but I could be worse. I could be sitting under a cold bridge with only one old coat for warmth and no food in my belly. My heart goes out to those in our city who must brave this cold night.

I have six followers on the Africa blog! Woohoo!

Today there was some snow on the ground and ice on the roads. It never got above 30 degrees. Oh I love winter days!

If you could marry someone that looked like any actor/actress, which would you choose? Not including personalities, just looks! (Please feel free to post pictures!)

Please come to us snow!

Today I sent an e-mail with the link to my Africa blog to a bunch of people. I hate doing stuff like that...it just seems so narcisistic and like I epxect everyone to want to read it or something. I mean, I love it when people do obviously but I hate promoting myself in that way for some reason...well, I know the reason.

I hope we get snow today! The forecast calls for it, but down south in the city where our house is rarely ever gets snow. :( I think this calls for a unisonal "Poo-hoo!"

What a crazy weekend I have ahead of me. Today I got to French class and take a test. After that I go babysitting. Then I come home and work nonstop on my chemistry test. Tomorrow morning I go babysitting again until mid-afternoon. I come home and, guess what? Work nonstop on my chemistry test. Then we are having friends over for dinner. I'll probably sleep over with a friend and in the morning I have dance at 9:30. At 1 I have a CNA training thing and then after that I go straight to some friends' house for another sleepover. I get up in the morning, go to church (and hear my dad preach!) then come home and, yet again, work nonstop on my chemistry test. By the point depending on how much I have done I might go to Perspectives (my missions class). If not, I'll stay home and work on the test. Which is due Monday morning.

Only a few more weeks of this school madness! I think the fact that I'm done with high school in December is making me a wee bit apathetic.

I really want to spend money and buy the Celtic Thunder Christmas album! But no. Well maybe. We'll see...

I raked a big pile of leaves yesterday. I might go jump in them before it snows...

I hate trying to think of titles

Call me an eavesdropper, but I love listening to other peoples' conversations. Right now I am at Panera bread and the women at the table next to mine (a shaded table I am coveting at the moment) are having quite an interesting convo...I'm not sure what about, but there is a cute little baby with them. Aww...

So much to do after I write this up. I can't leave this restaurant until I have...at least four pages of my paper done. That is my plan. I should be able to get that done in less than two hours hopefully. They might kick me out though so I sould probably start. But the sun is blinding me so I can't even like, see the screen.

oh yes, the baby started to cry! the ladies are leaving. I'm going to take their table...

This week we have to buy the tickets for Africa and I need to get my visa stuff filled out. What's funny is the visa instructions are in French! But alas I can't understand them perfectly.

A lot of my friends have said they want to start blogging. I think it is a great idea. I love blogs. I love writing them, I love reading them. If every person had a blog and posted things that are on their hearts...the whole world would be on the internet. I think something I tend to do is put my life on the internet but not invest enough time showing my true self in real life. Something I should probably be working on fixing...but it's really hard.

What keeps you from blogging? It's a personal preference I guess, but I am curious.

Awww, shade. Yes. Now my coffee is cold. I wonder what the Panera people think about someone sitting here for two hours continuously filling up on cofffee? ;)

:)

Thanks, Sam, for the song stuck in my head

This morning I watched a video that Sam posted on Facebook of the men singing "Bad Romance" acapella. It's been stuck in my head all day. Grrrrr. Good thing I don't mind that song but it could get annoying.

Agonizing over chemistry. This test may be take home but it is really frustratingly complicated and I'm not even sure if I've learned some of the stuff that is on it...

I saw a recipe on the front of a Betty Crocker magazine in Walmart. Pumpin Chai Cheesecake. *dies* I found a similar recipe online that I think I am going to try making.

Today I spoke with a friend at church who went to Gabon this past summer. I told her that I had applied to go there as well and she was freaking out, so excited for me and was telling me how much I will love it. I was just really encouraged that she told me that and was so excited. Now I'm even more excited and praying that this really is what God wants me to do!!

My prayer life is greatly lacking.

Everyone should get skype.

I love video chatting in case you didn't know! with everyone. So...I'm always up for a vid date!

Oh, and Toy Story 3 is SO DARN CUTE. It was the perfect ending to some great movies. I cried and cried and laughed really hard. Now I think I need to have a Toy Story marathon or something...